I will, eventually, get back to whatever I need to do, but in the meantime I found two sites that made me laugh hysterically. Jonas Diego listed down the Classic Lines Girls Say - when breaking up with a guy, of course. Heart pounding and mouth dry, I went through his list one by one ... and am proud to say that I have never used a single line. The last time I actually broke up with someone, I was thirteen; we were standing on a balcony, Jack-and-Rose style, with my hair blowing romantically back from the breeze. Is something wrong? he asked, leaning over to touch my hand, staring soulfully into my eyes.
I gazed off into the far horizon, then turned to look back at him. I don't want to date you anymore, I said, crisply. But I'm sure we'll be good friends after you get over being mad at me. Then I walked off, leaving the poor boy gasping for air. A few months later, as I had predicted, we became good friends ... and remain good friends to this day. I don't know what kind of life lesson that's supposed to impart, but - as you can see - tact and sensitivity were not exactly part of my emotional repertoire at the time. There are people who will tell you they still aren't, but then again, they didn't know me at thirteen.
[By the bye, one of the commenters claims that a girl once told him Nagising na lang ako, tapos nawalan na ako ng feelings para sa iyo. While I have never used this line, Freakchild has, quite literally. About a year ago she was going out with some guy and telling me how much she liked him and perhaps he was the one ... and then one morning we were at the breakfast table and she said You know what, I woke up this morning and I have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever. While I've never experienced such an abrupt loss of affection, I suppose Freakchild's experience sort of validates that other girl.]
I think someone should make a list of Classic Guy's Lines as well, because that would be equally hilarious. Although in my experience there are no lines, only a deafening silence. Ouch.
I also found Psychic Pants' definition of "jologs", and practically died laughing as I read through it. Funnily enough, my FSO batchmate S and I have been practicing the art of being coño for the past few days - primarily by sending each other text messages in that most horrific of pidgins, Taglish.
I don't know what it is about Taglish that gets my goat so much, when other pidgins just amuse me. When I was working in KL, I found I had to learn how to speak English with a Malaysian accent and a few Malaysian words mixed in, just so that other Malaysians would understand me. I got so good at it that people actually thought I was Malay - the downside to this being, of course, that they would give me ugly looks when I confessed I didn't actually know how to speak Bahasa Melayu. You Malay girl, don't know how to speak Malay one, how can? lamented one mak cik - a manang, in our language. Taglish, on the other hand, pisses me off like nobody's business - perhaps it is the memory of spending eight years trying to learn the language and speak it without a damning accent, but I loathe the casual mix of Tagalog and English. I do not mock people to their faces - public humiliation is not my thing, except in extreme cases - but be warned that if I hear you speak Taglish, I will probably mock you behind your back to my Inglisera friends. Paré, it's so mainit in Manila and I'm toxic at work - it's time to make gimik at Bora. Nyahahaha LOSERS.
Scarily, I am friends with people who actually talk like this. I love them and they are wonderful people, but the way they talk makes me want to gag them. Seriously, half the words they translate into Tagalog have perfectly simple English equivalents ... but I will not rant about that now.
I've procrastinated long enough. Back to work.
- - -
Dictionary of Terms
Nagising na lang ako, tapos nawalan na ako ng feelings para sa iyo - So, I woke up, and suddenly I didn't have feelings for you anymore. (Not a literal translation, but it's more accurate ... I hope.)
jologs - er. Low-class, poor taste ... I suppose this would be the Filipino equivalent of "trailer park trash".
coño - hmm. Poseur, wannabe, nouveau riche. Wanker, if you translate directly from Spanish. All are applicable.
[Edited to add: apparently coño means mestizo, or upper-class. I've been guilty of using a connotation as an actual meaning! Thanks, Katrina.]
mak cik / manang - a middle-aged, motherly old woman.
Paré, it's so mainit in Manila and I'm toxic at work - it's time to make gimik at Bora - Dude, it's freaking hot in Manila and work is insane - it's time to get away and party at the beach.